Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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