do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
