I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
