He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
