It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
