Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize