i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
