So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
