He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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