sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
