Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Even my vagina gasped.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
