I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
