Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
