Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Randomize
