So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
We need a shit load of segways right now
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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