literally had 100 drinks last night.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
