have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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