He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
