the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
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I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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