i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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