Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
