It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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