Sorry, I don't speak sober.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
