I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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