I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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