i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
