is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
