My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
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There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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