At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
