I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
