I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
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Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
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I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize