Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
