We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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