We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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