Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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