Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
