I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
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i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
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I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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