i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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