yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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