so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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