Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
