Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
