She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
