I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Randomize
