Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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