If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
