About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
