And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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