And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
the condom got lost in my hair
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I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
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