If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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