You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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