porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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