I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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