yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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