my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
bring money and cleavage
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
