idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
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We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
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I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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