Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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