chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
PANTIES FOUND
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