I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
my being single is dangerous.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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