Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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