It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
My penis needs a shock collar
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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