Apparently you make a good broom.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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