all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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