Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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