Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
