I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
